-This is my story - you may not have the same story - you might have a similar story. This is not a story to hurt anyone for the choices that have been made. This is shared in order to make others aware of the pain, damage, and deception divorce causes in a family. 30 years ago today, my father sat me, my 3 siblings (aged 14 - almost 15, 13, 10 and 6.) and my mother down in the living room. We all came in bounding, chatting, excited to have some 'family news'. (I knew already the news as my mother shared it with me the night before. I was wondering how my father was going to share this news.) He started off by letting us know that we all want to be happy in our lives. (My siblings seemed even more excited by this start - maybe a trip to Disney World or something like that oh boy we want to be happy absolutely!) Then he turned to say that he has not been happy for quite some time - and the tone turned to somber - wondering what we had done to make him unhappy. Sure we argued/fought with each other - okay we will control ourselves a bit more... He then said it is not our fault and it was nothing that we did or have done to cause this unhappiness. - Okay.... We then were assaulted with the news that this would be his last night sleeping in our home that he was moving out the next day. - What? My parents never ever argued. Ever. What is happening? I remember telling some of my classmates recently that my parents will never divorce because they never fight. What is happening right now? Twilight Zone! He called it a 'trial separation' - this was never intended to be a trial. He walked out and never looked back. I feel for my mother as she had hope with the knowledge of the trial separation. She bent herself inside out to have him come home. She was blind-sighted by my father deciding to leave. My mother had been told on the evening of October 7th (just hours after our dog was put to sleep - he went to be comforted by another woman and then CALLED my mother and told her) that he was going to move out on Monday and would tell all of us on Sunday what his decision was. She was devastated. Have you ever seen someone so upset they could not get up off the bathroom floor? My mother tried to hide her sorrow and shock, but I looked for her and found her in her abject sorrow. I remember after our 'family talk' that I decided then and there that I would never need anyone ever again. My dad, after his 'talk', got up out of his chair and walked into the garage to switch the screens to storm windows - because winter was coming... really. I went with him to learn how to do this as I was confident that I would be doing this the next subsequent years. I was going to learn how to do everything by myself so that I would never need anyone for anything. (GIANT WOUND that would take about 12 years before I would let go of that and try to allow others to help me with anything.) That was in 1988. Since then, my father divorced my mother, married another - they divorced and then in 1998 married my current step-mother. My mother after the divorce remarried in 1993 and they are still married. My youngest sister married civilly and divorced within a year 10 years ago and has not remarried. My other two siblings have never married, but my other sister has a young son with a live-in partner. My mother and I are the only two of our primal family who are currently in the faith. The destruction that has happened to so many people based on one man's quest for a new happiness is vast. The damage I have caused to other people's lives from the choices I made since my father left is horrible and deep. The damage caused by the rest of my family is also irreparable. Wounds that are still open, wounds that have scabbed over, wounds that fester, wounds that have scarred, wounds that have been healed by Almighty God, and wounds that have rejected Almighty God.
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Disclaimers:1.) My intention is not to be blasphemous in anyway with my comparison to the wounds of children and adult children of divorce with the Sorrowful Mysteries and the Wounds of Christ. I unite my sufferings to the Lord for healing of lifelong wounds. It is not my intention to be inflammatory in any way with this comparison. 2.) If you are in an abusive situation - please seek help. No one should ever hurt you physically, emotionally or spiritually - please reach out to me if you need help or direction on how to get help in your area. I will do everything I can to help. We turn to the Lord, who knows our suffering and longs to give us his comfort and peace. Yet it was our infirmities that he bore, our sufferings that he endured. |
AuthorCatholic. Living out the vocations as wife and mother. Feeling the Holy Spirit's prompting to raise her family with the light of Christ and help them all become Saints. Archives
September 2017
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